by Dannie Wambui
How Women Can Attain Total Independence From Men.
The first shot I got of feminism was from my father – who by the way is the most upright gentleman I know – and as much as he loved his siblings and mother (my grandma), they didn’t seem to love him that much. I asked him about this and he said, “He who feeds you controls you. And if they cannot control you, they won’t know your next move.” He went on further but let us leave it at that.
When the police put Kisumu on lock down (which by the way was very inhumane no matter how you look at it) the people of the city could not access food and depended on the neighboring counties to get fed. Such a people cannot revolt against the government yet they cannot even feed themselves. And withholding food and water has been known to be the most efficient way to deal with revolts. Because you feed them so they must either bow down to you or starve to death. I am not here to talk about revolts though.
Another woman has surfaced in the internet looking for work. She has a Master’s Degree from the UK.
Before women can really claim independence from men, we must be able to feed ourselves and our kids. We must attain “financial freedom” from men then command our own seat at the table and from thence, work out what we want.
But how can women obtain financial freedom one might ask;
- We must start by employing our own people. One of the reasons I admire Jay Z is his push for black people to employ their own people and buy from blacks in order to support their people. The US is terribly balanced against the blacks in similar ways Kenya is balanced against women. We have women begging for jobs in the streets of Nairobi yet we have women who are CEOs in huge companies and are business moguls running multimillion businesses. We must take charge of the unemployment among women and get them off the streets. When the plastic bags ban takes effect, around 600,000 workers will be grounded. Inasmuch as more than half of these are men, women are the ones that will take the brunt of this. To start with, once the men are retrenched, they will go to the local pub and drain themselves in liquor crying together with their friends and colleagues who have lost their jobs. The lady of the house on the other hand will be worried sick because her husband is not home despite dismissal and his phone is not going through. She has no jobs and depends on him to provide for them because despite her Degree, she was asked to “stay at home” and take care of the kids. She did. The children are crying due to hunger and her comforting words are clearly not working. It is nearly bedtime so she sneaks out, goes to the nearest shop, asks the friendly shopkeeper to let her make a credit purchase and she is handed the goodies discreetly because she must maintain her “honor,” goes home and cooks the meal to a now pleased children. She leaves some on the pot for the husband who comes and helps himself to all of it plus the milk reserved for breakfast. He is drunk and to drown his misery, wakes the dead asleep woman and strips her naked and despite her protests, forces himself into her. The children are awakened by the thrusting of course, it is a one room shanty separated by a bed sheet for a curtain. These children are scarred for life. And from that point, a now jobless woman takes the responsibility of providing for the house. A husband that is forever demanding for more will come home drunk each day and rape a tired wife while the children cry and the moans of their torn mother get absorbed into them. Permanently.
This is why we need to employ more of our women into our companies and companies we have a voice in. Men have always been known to employ more men than women despite the country’s laws. If we do not do the same, we risk damning not only women but a whole population of families as well. As well as our kids.
- Start our own business. You have a skill, no? We are all good at something. We have to bank on that and build on what we have. If you have a husband who gives you a little something every morning, why don’t you save some and when enough, start your own business even if it is selling candy or chocolate to kids. Remember the fox that used to sell Pop sickles to rodents coming from work in Zootopia? He made a living of it, no? It is said that you are supposed to gather hay while the sun still shines so, yeah, put the money somewhere as long as it keeps it coming, one day the source will get drained. We need to be ready for that. Women have been known to make something out of nothing every time a good chance is availed to them. I know we are well capable of shifting our own lives once we guide ourselves well enough. Single mothers world over have built empires with nothing to their name save determination, what about you who has a husband that occasionally hands over some money to you? We cannot allow ourselves to be a populace that depends solely on handouts.
- Rob banks. Yeah, if no one wants to employ you and you do not have enough skills or money to start a business or do something that will make you money, rob a bank. Go directly to the source. Just don’t get caught. Do everything in your power to get the cheddar. We cannot allow men to keep the money away from us – don’t argue that banks are institutions that help both men and women, everybody knows that they were traditionally reserved for men. Banking for women is largely a new thing. The money will not come to you, chase after it, get a gun wear a ski mask and get yourself money. Women cannot be allowed to sit at home anymore.
- Go back home (to your parents). The one thing that I love about home is that everything there is free. Your parents will give you food, pay the bills and let you live in the house without paying any rent. So when you get cash at the end of the month put it into good use. Do not, and I repeat, do not get married if you do not have a steady flow of income. You don’t want to live under somebody, especially a man who will turn you into a sex dispensing machine. Your body is your temple.
- Take responsibility. There is this behavior among women to let men foot the bills when you are in a food establishment when it is clearly that a) you gobbled more food than him or b) he clearly cannot afford the huge bill presented to him. If you want to be truly, and I mean truly, independent, you have to take the responsibilities and foot the bills yourself. You must feel the pain providing yourself before you let others provide for you. It is important for us to realize this. Take him out even, men are turning stupid by the majority every passing second and if he can’t help it, help out a brother. Know what it feels like when you provide and from then, you will work even harder. You can start by paying someone’s school fees or providing them with some pocket money once in a while. Have some commitment that challenges you regularly in order to keep you on your toes every day.
- Stop fighting men. There’s this breed of feminists that trod down upon the man. Yes, I know we are better and superior to men, but I do not clamp down a man who is right simply because he is a man. No, I think we are “human” first then our “gender” and “sexuality” and so on… We have to uplift fellow human beings because this “Pull him/her down” mentality is not helping any of us. It is destroying all of – men and women. Earth is not a bucket full of crabs so we are rarely a threat to each other unless we start fighting each other. The sooner we realize, the sooner will we be able to forge forward and recreate our own success story. we spend so much fighting men we forget to forge forward.
- Stop fighting women. Women are famous for not supporting their own and generally fighting anyone with a vagina. Do you guys see how men help out each other? They get each other out of debts, promote businesses owned by their friends and treat each other several bottles of beer once a while. They are always helping themselves. What about us? You see a woman putting in some work and all of a sudden you start cursing her, saying she is not better than you and cannot therefore be doing better than y’all lazy asses. We need to stop this, effective now!
Read. We cannot be truly independent if we do not know our own history and our heroes and where else to find this? We are reading at a time where all knowledge is basically a phone away. We have Wikipedia and other places hiding in the web that will transform your life once read. Books enable us to jump off a cliff and grow wings as we fall into the stories. Besides, “There is no friend as loyal as a book,” Hemingway. And I believe, for us to change the next generation, we need to have optimum knowledge to propel it in the right direction. We must also remember that knowledge is power and we all fear whoever possess the knowledge. Books, it is said, sharpens our brains. The woman needs history to forge into the future. If you cannot read a book, you have to write. There’s no two way about it and no other way around it. We must arm ourselves. “Date a girl who reads. Or better yet, date a girl who reads,” Rosemarie Urquico.
P.S. Dannie Wambui (Daniella) is a poet, writer and musician (in the ground) that will occasionally be writing here. She is awesome. Expect an amazing voyage through her mind and her exploits.
She also has never been on Facebook so I got her to sign up (ask her why) so her account is Dannie Wambui. Send her friend requests as much as possible and give her tips on making new Facebook friends.
“A Feminazi. Dr. Who. Olive happens to be my favorite color.”