I miss nothing more than I miss sex. Not the grabing, groping and the thumping and humping… No, the little things that come with it.
Her nails digging into Her breath on my neck, Her body against mine, rushed and stolen moist kisses amidst the sexual violence (in a good way fam ☺) and tension blah blah blah… That’s what I miss. But I’m on industrial attachment now, I don’t have a partner nor a girlfriend. I’m a long way from familiar faces and at home, I never seem to get a good lie enough to attract a girl. The groove abandons when I want it the most.
Then, I am a teacher. Except on weekends. I don’t get enough time to chase after a skirt through the week. Yet I’m supposed to squeeze in everything else in this one weekend; sleep and rest, refuel from all the extroversion I’ve been involved in, write more notes (yes, the only difference between a teacher and a student in these parts is one stands while the latter sits).
This frustrates me, (the lack of sex) – and I bet it can be seen in this journal entry.
There are girls in the staffroom all right… Unfortunately, I came to realise, the staffroom is nothing but a den of gossip and behind-the-back talking on some other folks and student… Which teacher wore the same trouser thrice in the same week, who didn’t comb his hair properly, which student was caught doing this and that by the parent who then reported him to the school, it was a jungle in there. And I, being a timid mouse, thought best to avoid it. At all costs.
We had a problem though.
This dude I am How rude of me. My name is Sospeter Ojwang’, otherwise responding to the short name Sosi or Sossi (not to mean I like eating) and I am a teacher in wait. Hoping to score big in this profession as well as in life. The problem with having such enthusiasm as an introvert though, is the fact that once I’m in front of my class, I go from being Deadpool to Salomon Grundy (Solomon or Salomon? Let’s go with the one closest to Salmon) not the violence and originality (lol) rather the outgoing nature of the Pool Vs the sea plant thingys abhorrence of human interaction. When I’m in my bed thinking about the works, I’m about to fly to the moon and back and beat up on all criminal faces but the moment I think about walking into class, I am a mouse stuck to its nest.
So, this dude I am on teaching practice with has literally been the stumbling block to all my schemes to run from the staffroom and stay in the general area known as “field” in the school. He, unfortunately, found a childhood crush of his teaching on the same school and is intent on giving a chase… Such trifles, right? Love and skirt chasing. If only similar energy could be diverted to noble acts such as the pursuance of human emigration to other planets and human colonisation of space. We would be in better place to run from this mess we made of planet earth. On the side though, I am not certain whether it bothers me that he’s on the verge of getting laid by none other than his crush or that I am not having any sex except the infamously (drumrolls please) self induced sex by (smoke bombs) The Hand! (thunder and lightning – this should be as dramatic and laden with tension as when Danny Rand declares his title, “protector of Kun’Lun!!!”)
There also seems to be the problem of what to serve and what not to serve at lunch time. When you’re presented with food and both your sexual organs and stomach are starved, the possibilities range from filling your plate up to the brim till it groans under the weight of all that food or taking servings in pill form. Almost like a glutton in homeopathic treatment. Happens. And when there is nothing but me and food looking at each other, with the serving spoon left to make the decision, I’d hate to see the product of their interaction.
Ever noticed how close to sex Take a chill pill dude, wow. I must remind myself.
So, just this passing weekend, damn I hate Mondays these days, I happen to bump into a schoolmate from campus. As you all know I don’t subscribe to any religious grouping, nor organised groupings for that matter, notice my avoidance of staffroom and any thing rather than lunch that would bring more than five people together… She knows (my old schoolmate) that I do not attend church and has filled it out that I am an atheist. To which I say yes. Atheism is the best religion to go with these days. Christianity is the easiest to proclaim. You can quote anything from Jesus’ whipping and weeping to the crying dude getting eaten by a fish – outrageous if you ask me. She questions me about it, and since I am not intent on giving answers, I throw in peppered words here and there for the sakes of talking. In the long-run, I argue that, “I use logic and science in my thinking, thence cannot clearly see sense in matters of faith.” It’s a smart answer, but then, I am a smart son. Some things always go together. Unlike pizza and pineapples. Pineapples!!!! For goodness sakes. The bland taste of heated, Pineapples!! This question of faith and belief has always been the beggar tugging at my sleeve, never getting enough whenever I give so I have to keep giving while remaining poor myself. People always ask;
“Sossi, why do you not believe in God?”
“Sossi, why put on make up while you’re a man?”
“Sossi, why is the sun up today?”
“Do you think, if I put myself up in a cross I would gain the mercies of-” Goddammit what the hell!
After all these never ending questions, once an answer and explanation is given, someone says, “you know you can’t convince me otherwise though, right?” or the other fan favourite, “humans will always be human, you can’t change the world!” You see, right there is the reason why half the population on this Godforsaken planet are living in hunger. Because of people like you!! You cannot make me summon my Sartre spirit and gimme that. It’s outrageous. It’s the equivalent of rearing Pavlov conditioned dogs in a fire station!! Do you see my frustration!! Or read rather.
I also hate Assembly.
As earlier said, there is barely any difference between a teacher and a student. At the assembly, while the teacher stands upfront looking at the the students and in a line suggested by the principal, just as the students, the students stand down below, in a line overlooking and facing the teachers. Separating student and teacher is like saying one eye of Janus be clearer than the other. Which eye, right? Right.
Also, the thing with being a teacher and having a principal lording over you, is the unsaids. You are all adults and there’s need to not force a teacher to do something but rather should be seen as done in their own accord. The principal then, is a person that gives suggestions that ought to be strictly obeyed. S/he says, I think the students are better off with this book rather than the one at hand. The next day, when you’re found using the same book as yesterday, a warning is given on disobedience. If on the third day you’re using the selfsame book, they write you up for disobedience. Why don’t they call things as they are you ask, beats me.
Let me get off my bed and try saving the world this day. I feel like Pablo.